Screenplay: "Lifestyles of the Highly Academic"

Photo "For Rent" by kfann

This is a 3:00 script for a comedy skit about Dr. and Mrs. Whizzer called ...

“LIFESTYLES OF THE HIGHLY ACADEMIC:
THE PEANUT BRAIN OR
IT HAD A GOOD ARRHYTHMIA, I COULD DANCE TO IT” 

by Kevin Fann

EXT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT ESTABLISHING

An OLD WOMAN IN A WHEELCHAIR wheels herself slowly along the curb outside the emergency room entrance.

SFX: Ambulance siren, three quick “warning” horn blasts

An AMBULANCE zooms up behind her, hitting and pushing her wheelchair forward with its bumper.

EXT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – FRONT DOORS

The OLD WOMAN IN A WHEELCHAIR zooms past the emergency room’s sliding automatic doors. She flies out of frame left as the doors hold open.

NARRATOR V.O.

“Lifestyles of the Highly Academic” featuring our
protagonists, the doctor of philosophy and missus Whizzer.

INT. HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM – NIGHT

DR. WHIZZER and his wife MRS. WHIZZER sit solemn in the waiting room.

NARRATOR V.O. (cont’d)
In tonight’s episode: “The Peanut Brain or
It Had a Good Arrhythmia, I Could Dance To It.”

SFX: The automatic door opens and closes again

TWO NURSES walk by as Dr. Whizzer thumbs through a “Jugs” porno magazine as though he’s reading “Psychology Today.” He CHUCKLES and shows Mrs. Whizzer something in the porno mag. She nods, as though he showed her something informative.

Suddenly, an EMERGENCY ROOM DOCTOR approaches them with some bad news. Mrs. Whizzer stands up, nervously.

Read the rest of the 3:00 script.

Screenplay: "Charlie Brown Out: Before & After"

Image of Crocodile and Sun from "Hanging Out In the Museum," Cai Guo-Qiang, Taipei Fine Arts Museum

The following is a script for a 15-minute short film about beets, security measures and slippery boots:

CHARLIE BROWN OUT: BEFORE & AFTER

FADE IN:

EXT. FACTORY - NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

CUT TO: INT. FACTORY - NIGHT

A newspaper printing press CHURNS out the morning edition amidst huge spools of paper. A couple of WORKERS walk out of the frame, on break. A forklift BEEPS. As it reverses, its silver propane tank glints through yellowed fluorescent light.

CLOSE UP: INT. FACTORY - PRINTING PRESS.

Lines of newsprint fly by, and the sound of the press is deafening now, with pneumatic HISSES and rolling SQUEAKS. Beyond the sheets of paper, CHARLIE, a young Asian man, stands against the wall. He wears earmuffs and stares at the passing paper as though watching a river roll past.

INT. FACTORY - WALL OF TOOLS

Charlie walks into focus carrying a big wrench. He hangs the wrench on a hook on a red wall. Charlie's wrench fits in the only empty space on the wall, surrounded by many other wrenches, screwdrivers, etc. Each tool is outlined in white tape.

CUT TO: EXT. INDUSTRIAL TOWN - THE NEXT AFTERNOON

The sun hits a smoky gray skyline, the tips of a few treetops, and a chain link fence with barbed wire.

CUT TO: INT. CHARLIE’S HOUSE

Charlie's house is half packed/half lived in, with stacks of boxes lining the walls. A children’s book of crosswords sits folded open on a brown leather recliner chair. Slumping and worn slick, the chair reflects light from a television. The reception isn't good, and the game show "Wheel of Fortune" flickers in and out in digital pixels on the screen.

On the screen is the unsolved puzzle "_ H _ R L _ _   _ R O _ N   O _ T" as well as the title for the type of puzzle, "Before & After".

Off screen in a small kitchen, Charlie SLAMS a drawer and an oven door OPENS. On TV, the wheel SPINS and the crowd CHEERS.

INT. KITCHEN

Charlie pulls a glass casserole dish from the oven rack. He pulls a carving knife out of a knife block.

INT. KITCHEN - STOVETOP

Charlie slits a steaming baked beet down the center. The four beets in the pan still have their taproots, which look like long rat-tails. Charlie draws the skin back and purple beet juice drips down his fingers down into the pan.

INT. KITCHEN

Charlie eats beets with a fork.

Read the full "Charlie Brown Out" script.

...

 Cai Guo-Qiang, awesome human"We should forget discussions about globalization or the Pan Pacific. All these things could be put aside. What was important was that everything would begin with the people here and now. And we could have a dialogue with the universe at large."